*Caution - Depressing post ahead!*

With every moment of awareness, there's this nagging thought - that even though things are perfectly amazing around me; there's something fundamentally wrong in me, about me. By what age do people normally become aware of what it is that they want to do with their lives? Because I have no idea what I want with mine! This sense of aimlessness is constantly painful, to say the least.
Not that I'm not doing well enough in whatever it is I do. But when I stop and ask myself, "Is this what I want to do all my life?", the answer is always a No. But the problem is, I do not know doing what could change that answer to a Yes!
Are consultants really wise enough to know what I don't know about myself? Can they help? Or do I just need a break? There's really nothing that seems to be helping me out of this senselessness - no thought sounds thoughtful enough, nothing helps me sustain my fleeting moments of happiness.

Please help! Suggest something/anything that can get me out of this awefully gloomy state of mind. :(

Memories :))

I had never imagined that i would be writing something nice about my brother anyday :) but i am missing him so much nowadays that i couldn't stop writing it on my blog.:)

My brother,Gaurav (chotu),is one of the naughtiest,stupidiest(does this word exist?),woderfullest,funniest,sweetest persons i have ever seen. but right now when he is not with me sometimes i feel the worst i have ever felt in my life. I can't stop remembering the sweet 'n' sour memories of him.

He has always made me feel special...believed in me to the core,though before every exam instead of wishing me"best of luck" he used to wish me "fail hoke aana" :x :x. He calls me "Bitaal"(inspired from vikram-bitaal,on doordarshan on saturday). God knows how does he relate that to me..but whenever he pulls my cheeks or maska-marofies me..he calls me by that name. According to him,it sounds cute. Waise it does :P . i remember when i was young..well about 13..and he about 11..whenever he used to pull my cheeks..he used to say a line in a very rythmic tone of a cricket commentator "and the ball goes right on the cheeks of 'gulguli' bitaal..well gulguli means having soft and 'big' cheeks. but he used pull my cheeks haaaaaardddd :x :x.

Mummy tells a lot of stories of him and me ..when we were children. To me they are not just a series of hazy memories but a whole lifetime.i remember ...when i was around 9 years old..my hair was very short and used to curl up like small noodles..andwhenever my family used to watch a late night movie in our then old home..on the black and white jolly T.V set..he used to cuddle up beside papa and me with my mummy,our bathroom was two rooms away from our T.V cum Bedroom and it used to have very little light.whenever he wanted to go to the bathroom..he used to ask Mummy or papa for company..because he was afraid of darkness. My mummy send me instead...i used to hold his hand and guide him to the bathroom door..:-)and we always fought on our way back..followed by his complaint that he will never in his life will take my help.:D He is still afraid of darkness...he sleeps with the light on in his room.i asked him one day..why does he do that..he answered that once he had seen a ghost outside his window...that's why he studies at night..so that he falls asleep while studying :D :D

whenever Mummy , Papa went out for work,Mummy made my brother promise that he will not to hit me whenever we are alone,so my bro never used to hit me...but bore all my tantrums....for example scratches,kicks,punches...and the moment my mummy entered the house..my bro sings all his complaints away.He is a cutie pie.

Was just missing him so wrote few lines about him but there are many many more memories down the lane :),tons of love and luck for my sweeto kiddo bro,missing you,cya soon :)

Huh... Bored !!

Seems that there is no work for me..

the machine is moving with such a slow pace

trading platform is not opening...

no vaccancy in job portals...

...no Mails coming...

no updates on Orkut...

nothing is happening...

everything seems to b like stopped...

just the time passing by...

dunno wht to do..

waiting for friday evening...

I missing all my family and old friends...

the good company I had...

only the memories remain...

ye loh.. Vella mind.. kahan se shuru hui aur kahan aa gayi [:D]

Anyways.. kuch to time nikal gaya..

An analysis of online friendships

Internet has changed the way of life of many people ... atleast of those with access to the high speed internet facilities .Most of us do have chat friends ....


But i m quiet sure that with many of us, issues do crop up. Firstly one must check whether the person on the other side is actually the person he/she claims to be. Failure to do this can lead to rather embarassing consequences.

Now there seems to be two categories of people.

1. They distinguish between real and online friends. They treat online friends as aquantainces to pass their time with and consciously keep their real friends at a higher pedestal.

2. These people do not make such a distinction. They seem to believe that the essence of friendship is effective communication, heart to heart.

Meeting face to face is not a prerequisite for that.I feel compatibility issues crop up between people belonging to different categories. The people of category 1 take a longer time to trust the others. This can potentially create a bit of resentment within the other person.

These two people do find it a little difficult to relate.Lack of physical interaction can create other problems. Suppose you said something to a "real" friend. If that person does not respond, you can physically confront him/her. But if you find that your online buddy is not responding to mails or sms', you become hesitant to press further. You are never really sure whether the person belongs to category 1 or 2. You can seldom know with any degree of certainty what that person thinks of you, beyond what you are told by the person himself. So you hesitate in exercising your rights as a friend. People err on the side of caution.So ... these are few of the problems.

What are the solutions ? No idea.

Note 1 : Real and virtual friends are used to refer to non-online and online friends and they do not, in any way, comment on the intensity and quality of the relationship.

Note 2 : Two classes of Individual Dynamics and i am analysing friendships. Wow !! :p

Inspiration!!!

I lost it... lost my inspiration...

Yes... thts what I was thinking abt lately !!

One needs an inspiration for everything they do. :))

C'mon... there needs an inspiration to update this blog too...

and for quite some time the inspiration is not there !!

Inspiration.. that could be anything... absolutely !!

People around me inspires me..thats my inspiration...

I lost my inspiration... and even tht loss inspires me to write something abt it .. ;))

After seeing all my frends taking up blogging ... I too jumped into this blooging scene. Lets see how it goes... will write soon here... keep watching !!!